thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
