the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
