Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
