yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
