Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
