Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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