i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
