Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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