he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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