And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
