guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
