the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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