I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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