I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
