and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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