Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
