The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
