he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
