1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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