Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
