What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
