i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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