Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
