I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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