you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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