Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
