Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
