did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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