Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
