Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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