I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize