I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
