i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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