I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
