the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
