His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ugly people sure do ruin things
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
