1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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