i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize