This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
