tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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