dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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