So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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