i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
