We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
