Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
