peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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