"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
