just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my being single is dangerous.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
