brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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