he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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