Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
