Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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