just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
