well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
