Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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