Your mouth is God's brothel.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
