You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
