well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
