Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
where are you?
Hypothermia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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