Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
