i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wear drunk well.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
