just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
