bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
