do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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