You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
