im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
