I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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