This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
