Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
