whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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