he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
